Was It Trickery Or A Test?

Over the last few weeks, I have been interviewed on a few podcasts to share my fitness and running story and spread the word about my book. One of the questions I have been asked…and I’m sure, I will continue to be asked…is how did I get into running.

As the story goes, I shared a goal with Jeff at our very first meeting in July of 2014 when he asked me what was the one thing I wanted to do fitness wise, if I could. I said I would love to be able to run and then I shared all of the reasons why I couldn’t — I would undoubtedly trip and fall. I would look silly moving around as I run. I would look fat in my clothes. I would get into running and wind up breaking a hip or a knee. That conversation only lasted a few minutes and I never thought much of it but a few months later, I suddenly found myself adding a minute of a jog to my treadmill walking workouts that Jeff had me do as a part of our training session. And after a few months of my doing that and realizing I could run a ten minute mile pace without any issue, I heard those words — you need to sign up for a 5k.

Much of this journey has been about doing things that I thought were too hard or even impossible. Jeff would tell me to do a certain movement or exercise in our training session and I would look at him with wonder and amazement that he would even suggest such a thing. But then I would do that thing and wouldn’t you know it…it wasn’t so hard and it wasn’t so impossible. That first 5k. That first 10k. That first half marathon. The Spartans. Getting back into a swimming pool after decades of sitting on the sidelines. Conquering my fear of heights to run on the trails. I have sometimes said that Jeff tricked me into running or he snuck it in but when I really think about it, I realize that he set it up for me to do because he knew me better than I knew myself and he knew I had it in me to do it. Of course, I will still say he tricked me but it really was more of a test…a way of allowing me to come out of this fear and worry that I had about myself and my ability to accomplish something that was hard but also doable.

Sunday Mobility Day – Let’s Take Two

I’ve been following this great 10k training plan that Jeff wrote up for me to prepare for race day in less than three weeks and I thought I could say that I was following it 100%. I’ve been doing the runs and I’ve been doing the cross training and my virtual training sessions with him have been great. I’ve been pretty good about taking Saturday as my rest day and even when we were traveling, I made it a point to get a workout in, however I could.

This morning, I had finished my five mile easy long run which was on the plan for today and I was checking out the Peloton app to find a 15 minute bodyweight workout to do later for the strength part that is called for on the training plan. For some reason, I decided to take a peak at the calendar and noticed that it said ‘mobility’ and it had said ‘mobility’ on all of the previous Sundays of this periodization plan and it’s on there for the next few Sundays. I had been doing bodyweight strength workouts…and loving it, I might add…but that is a lot different from doing a mobility workout which is meant more for a recovery workout.

I found a whole slew of mobility workouts that I will be able to do over the next few Sundays so that I am doing this plan right but the truth is that I have no regrets about having done it ‘wrong.’ Those bodyweight workouts that I was doing ‘wrong’ were meant to activate the muscles and joints, get stronger without using any dumbbells and build up endurance. It certainly didn’t hurt to do the squats and lunges and core moves but after doing that mobility workouts this morning after a five mile run, I realize just why Jeff wanted me to do it. Mobility workouts help with movement and improves range of motion and while it isn’t as much of a calorie burner as a bodyweight workout, it helps me as a runner with getting rid of the tightness and focuses on the recovery part which is so important.

From ‘I Have To’ To ‘I Need To’

My running story really has been a journey. When I first started out, I just went out on a run and it felt effortless and uncomplicated and it felt great until it didn’t.

The ‘didn’t’ part came a few years into my journey. I suddenly found myself describing a run as something I had to do. I used to say that I had to run, which I hadn’t said in those early years. I had to run three or four miles or I had to go out for a run or I had to get my run in on the treadmill. I used the words ‘I had to,’ not even realizing what it meant. Looking back, I realize that there was a certain pressure I must have been putting on myself to do it or a certain expectation that I was putting on myself to get it done. Whenever I used those words before a run or about a run, that run, for some reason…unbeknownst to me at the time…ended up feeling not quite as good as my usual runs. There was a certain detachment in my focus and my drive but I wasn’t seeing it as it was happening.

About a year and a half ago, I had a conversation with Jeff where he pointed out how he noticed that I had lost my drive for running. I had had a hysterectomy earlier that year and coming back to running took time but when I was able to run again, I doubted my ability and lost that mojo, as we like to call it. To put it simply, I had gotten to a point where I lost all confidence in myself to just run and I put myself in this category where I was too slow or too tired to handle what used to come so naturally to me. Jeff encouraged me to ‘find her…’ that version of me who had the drive and motivation to run and to find the joy again. That conversation led me to go out for runs where I went according to feel and became more aware of what I was seeing and what I was feeling as I ran and to do everything I could to not think about my time or my pace. I learned how to appreciate the opportunity to run and I shifted my focus to a point where ‘I get to run.’

Things have been a bit stressful lately so when I am able to work out or to get a run in, I am all the more appreciative of that opportunity. I still feel that feeling that ‘I get to run’ but a lot of my runs lately have been about how ‘I need to run.’ I need the clarity I get when I run, whether it’s in a 45 minute interval run or a 30 minute tempo run or a four mile easy run. That time is precious and I am so much more grateful when I finish because that run provided me with the chance to detach myself from the real world and focus on the run as it’s happening and make myself and this ‘me time’ a priority. I have to run. I get to run. I need to run. It is sometimes something that is all encompassing at times yet something I have learned to use as stepping stones in this wonderful journey.

Running In The Rain

I went out on my run this morning, all layered up for a four and a half mile easy run I’d be doing in 43 degrees. After all of these years, I still don’t know exactly how to properly layer for a run but I did the best I could — long pants, a long sleeve quick dry shirt, a running jacket, a cap for my head and running gloves for my Raynauds ridden hands. From the time I had peeked at the forecast for this morning until I headed out the door, there was absolutely nothing mentioned about that layer that I would really need…rain protection!

Yes, it rained about two miles into my run. As someone who will opt for an indoor run when there is so much as a sprinkle predicted, I chose to embrace it on this particular run. There was nothing I could do about the rain. It was coming down (thankfully, as more of a drizzle) whether it had been expected or not. I had a four and a half mile run to do and I was going to get it done! I kept on running, feeling my clothes starting to feel a little bit damp but hey…it could be raining four weeks from today on race day and I can’t let that stop me. I tried to be a little more aware of my surroundings…a little more careful on the wet stony pavement and sidewalks.

Though I tried to stay focused with the music playing in my AirPods, I thought about an interview I did a few nights ago with Dr. Carrie Pagliano about my running story and upcoming book. She had asked me what got me into running and I shared how upon meeting Jeff, I had shared with him my one wish to be able to run and then told him all the reasons why I couldn’t — I would stumble and hurt myself. I would look like Phoebe from Friends when she took up running. I would mess up my knees and hips. I would look terrible in my clothes. I had so many reasons for not being able to run but when I went out on my very first run 12 years ago, I forgot all about those reasons…or were they excuses? And as I got more and more into running, I was afraid of running in the rain. Of getting soaked. Of slipping on wet pavement. Of I don’t know what else but there was always some excuse…some reason to opt against running in the rain. This morning, I ran in the rain and it wasn’t all that terrible. It was a bit drizzly and I noticed the drops as they went from being oh so light to a little more steady and I thought about my clothes and hat getting wet and then shrugged it off as I focused on the run and how I wasn’t all that afraid. I didn’t melt. I didn’t slip. I finished the run with something of a proud feeling..like, ‘hey I did that.’ I embraced the rain. I embraced my inner athlete. That’s what it’s really all about.

Back To The Original Programming

I have spent the past six or so weeks, traveling back and forth between Israel and Florida and back to Israel and a few short trips to Cleveland in between all of that, finishing it all off with a wonderful weekend spent in Los Angeles with lots of family for a bar mitzvah. When I had first mapped out my training plan in early January, I put a whole bunch of days in aster signs and bold letters, signaling those days when they seemed iffy with getting the workout or run done. There were lots of days spent traveling on airplanes and lots of days spent in Walt Disney World with my kids and grandchildren and somehow, I was able to check off each day.

Not every workout was as lengthy in time when I was on the go but I was able to find bodyweight workouts on Peloton that worked well with limited space and time. Most of my runs were done in the wee hours of the morning when I knew I had a full day ahead but I made them happen. All I can say is that I did the very best I could and I made it all work.

Training for a race is not a simple task. You’re dealing with differing weather conditions and you’re dealing with different circumstances that can make it challenging. I am grateful that I have something to hold me accountable and that I have a plan to get me ready to be as ready as I can on race day. With the challenges of traveling back and forth behind me, I can focus more on what lays ahead and embrace that inner athlete.

The True Meaning Of Strength

I was going through my photos on Facebook and I came across a screenshot of a quote I had found on Runkeeper several years back.

Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.

How true that is. Sure you can be strong from lifting weights and running distances and doing a Pilates or yoga class. But there is a certain strength in being able to do something that you didn’t think you could do. There are so many things I thought I couldn’t do but somehow, I was able to get them done. Standing at the starting line of that first 5k race when my running buddy told me at the last minute that he wanted me to do it on my own. Pressing the ‘send’ button for my first trail race, feeling so unsure of myself. Crossing the finish line at a Spartan race with mud caked on my thighs and feeling the scratches on my shoulder from crawling under the barbed wire. Holding a one minute…a two minute…a three minute plank and trying to not give into the shaking in my arms. Running a half marathon…five times…

I’m no hero. I’m no superstar. I am a wife and a mother and a grandmother. My strength is something that isn’t there for all to see. It comes from within. It’s there…I just have to channel it every once in a while.

I Am Doing The Very Best I Can

You know how you make a plan and you confidently start out following the plan to a t and something happens beyond your control and well, the plan doesn’t wind up looking the way it had started out. I started out on this 10k training/periodization plan, excited to have something to follow over the next few months to get me race ready. I had every intention of doing each day’s activity — the running, the cross training, the strength workouts — and I knew that there were going to be certain days that would make it difficult to follow but I was determined to somehow make it all work. I was in Florida last week and some days were a bit long and we started out early yet I made sure to get to the gym at the crack of dawn to get that tempo run in or to get on the elliptical.

Last week, my mom broke her ankle and wound up having surgery and we fortunately made it back in time to be with her and get things set up with her recovery. I had kept telling myself (and Jeff) that I would somehow make it all work and I wouldn’t use this incredibly busy time as an excuse to not get things done. I wanted to stay on plan but I knew it would be a challenge. There were some days where I had to keep my strength workout to 15 minutes when I normally would have done 30 minutes and I never managed to do the run that was meant for Sunday’s plan. I saw some arrows go down on my Apple fitness app but I tried not to take it personally as this is a temporary situation and I am doing the very best I can.

I am doing the very best I can. That is my mantra. I am doing what I can, when I can, how I can but I am also accepting of those times when I can’t do it exactly the way that plan was designed, And when I do that outdoor walk or I finally attend a spin class for the first time in weeks or I finish a 30 minute tempo run, I do it with a bit more appreciation and motivation. The walk I managed to do yesterday afternoon — once my mom had been discharged from the hospital and was safely settled in at her apartment — was something I hadn’t experienced before. My feet were taking those steps and I kept getting texts and phone calls from family and friends checking in and I did that walk with so much awareness. I felt fortunate that I was to be getting those 45 minutes to be out and about after two straight days of being in a hospital and caring for my mom and putting any of my needs aside. I felt privileged to be able to take each step when my mother was now in a situation where it would be several weeks before she would be able to walk on both feet. I tried to let go of the stress and the worry and even the guilt of not having been here when it happened but then again, thankful that we made it back here in time and in spite of the terrible weather in the states that cancelled our original flight back here. As I walked, I mentally told myself that I am doing the very best I can and when I was done, I felt this tremendous sense of clarity and calm that I hadn’t felt in days.

It’s Just A Blueprint

I didn’t really know what Jeff meant by that when he sent me the 10k periodization/training plan a little over two weeks ago. It’s just a blueprint, he said.

I am a rule follower. I also tend to go on the literal side…like Amelia Bedelia, if you will. I have spent the last two or so years, doing my own thing with my running and other activity but I really like having a plan that I can follow and do something and then check it off. Now the plan can be pretty specific where Jeff has me do a three mile run but then I will start asking things like how is the pace supposed to be or is it a timed run or a shakeout run. And what if I have a day where I just can’t get that run or cross training in? That’s when Jeff tells me it’s just a blueprint.

The plan is a plan, yes and I intend to follow it as best I can but things come up where I have to tell myself that I might not be able to follow it to a T. Today, for example, I came back to my in-laws’ place after a three hour drive and I knew that doing a three mile all out effort run wouldn’t end so well but I could handle the four mile easy long run/jog that was on this Friday’s schedule. So I switched things around and voila – I had a really good run today. Friday might not be a great day for me to do that other run but maybe I will switch it to a rest day and get that run in on Saturday night. It’s a blueprint.

The Numbers Game

It all began in 1986…this game I have been playing with the scale and the numbers that have appeared on it, that ultimately made me dependent on what the scale said that day. Despondent over what those numbers read on a ‘bad’ day. Distorted with my sense of self. I got off a plane after spending a gap year in Israel, having gained 30 pounds and off to Weight Watchers I went for what would be the first of many, many times.

I didn’t own a scale during that year abroad. I really didn’t have any sense of the weight I had put on, other than seeing my face turn puffier in pictures and in the mirror. I didn’t see a true change along the way, until a few family members and family friends made comments about my weight gain and boy, was that hard to take! I didn’t take Weight Watchers all that seriously that summer as I was 17 years old and I had no idea as to how to budget my points and eat more sensibly and mindfully after years of being able to eat junk food and not exercise. That summer was the beginning of what would be a 37 or so year roller coaster ride with the scale. I saw my weight go up and I saw it go down and I somehow got so caught up in the number and let it define me and dictate the success and the failure of my efforts. I ultimately cancelled my membership with Weight Watchers, scared of being on my own but certain that I needed to cut the ties I had bound myself to the scale.

It’s been a few years now since I’ve been ‘on my own.’ I did see my weight go up quite a bit and even though I was no longer ‘weighing in’ at the Weight Watchers scale, I was still playing those mind games with those numbers. Through a lot of hard work – working on a more concentrated way of eating, taking my activity to a more intense level and trying to let go of that obsession with the number — I have seen things change for the better. My weight is down — yes, we are talking numbers here – to where I was 10 years ago. I do weigh myself regularly but I do it in a way where whatever that number may be, I don’t allow myself to go to that dark place I used to frequent in my ‘weighing in’ days. It’s data, as Jeff often says. I have been dealing with this numbers game since I was 17. I’m 57 now and while I truly feel like I’m in a better place mentally, I realize that I still have the inner battle of self esteem and I still make it about the numbers — the one on the scale that I am so thrilled to see yet I still can’t wrap my head around what it took to get me here and wonder if it’s all a dream. Those moments of doubt I still feel about myself even though I know how much I have to be proud of and how much I have accomplished. I’m a work in progress…you can’t fix a 40 year old problem just like that. But I am working on it.

Week 1 – Check!

This morning, I completed the first week of 10k training and I can honestly say that it went well.

Jeff put together a great periodization plan that had me running three times this past week – a speed run last Monday, an all out 3 mile effort on Wednesday and a long easy 3 mile run on Friday. We trained on Tuesday and Thursday, primarily working on mobility but we included some weight work and TRX. The plan also called for cross training on my workout days so I spun on Tuesday and then got familiar again with the elliptical on Thursday.

The big surprise of this past week was that I used yesterday as a day off. I know I could have taken a nice walk during the day or even in the evening and yes, I went back and forth about it….should I take that walk? Should I give myself the day to recover as Saturday is technically a day of rest on the training plan. I am usually all about getting those calories burned and moving however and whenever I can but I made the decision to use the day to relax and recover after five days of training and knowing that walking would be there the next day. The world didn’t implode by my decision to rest and I was just as ready to do my workout this morning…perhaps, even better because I allowed that day of recovery to happen.

Onto week 2…