I Don’t Want To Jinx This

I ran three miles this morning. That is huge.

Why would running three miles be such a big deal, one might ask. Well, my running three miles is not so huge but this morning, I ran three miles without a twinge, without discomfort, without pain, without stopping. Three solid miles. It could have been anywhere between two and three easy miles as Jeff has directed me to do on the day after a spinning class and I opted for three. And while I started out on the easier side, my intensity increased once I was sure that I felt 100% fine.

To be able to run is a blessing. To be able to run without pain is a whole different blessing. I do not take either ability for granted. It felt so good to run along the streets and pass the honking cars and the people walking their dogs and the children standing by the bus stop. It felt so good to feel and to be aware of what I was doing and not think of this as a run I had to do. The time didn’t matter. The distance didn’t matter. The pace didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I got out there and ran because I could. And once I passed the second mile and didn’t sense the tugging in my leg that usually cries out around that time, I ran and I embraced that could-ness.

The Path Not Taken

I had two different routes for this morning’s run and I did neither of them.

I had originally planned a route that would take me from our place in Baka to the road that is just outside the Old City of Jerusalem and loops around to King David Street where there are all sorts of beautiful hotels and art galleries. This route has quite a bit of hills going down and then right back up and I have often had to ‘catch myself’ with a switch to a walk when I’ve approached those uphills. In planning out a five mile route for today’s run, I told myself I would go nice and easy for the entire run and just take the hills one trot/one step at a time but keep at something of a running pace rather than ‘catch myself.’

I realized that this Plan A was not a great plan for this morning for two reasons —- first, with the possibility of a siren going off and with 90 seconds to seek shelter, I didn’t feel all that comfortable with being so far away from our place. I also thought that with the very minor twinge I felt in the back of my knee during Monday’s run, this course might be a bit too much for me. So I started out on my run today, thinking I would follow Plan B. I ran more than a mile on the street adjacent to ours that has a subtle incline but I wouldn’t call it hilly and then I turned onto our street and there was that tugging in the back of my knee again. I ran along our street, debating if I should stick to the plan that includes my going up this one big hill that would lead me to a street that ultimately connects to the beginning of the city running path. As I powered through as best I could to ignore the tugging, I made up my mind to forego the hilly part and stick to the flatter road I was on for the time being and then get onto the flat running path.

I have no regrets about switching plans and I have no regrets about the run that I did in the end. It was 3.61 miles…not quite five miles but it was what I was able to do today. And that is fine by me.

Musings On My Birthday

As I say goodbye to 55 and hello to 56, I am overcome with a lot of mixed emotions. I am grateful for seeing another year and also reflective on the year past. It was a year that started off being separated in distance from my husband as I was here in Israel and his recovery from a major eye surgery wound up taking much longer than anyone expected. He was able to come a week and a half later, in the midst of a war that broke out on October 7 and is still going on. I used that time to write.

I blogged here and I also wrote a piece here and there about what it was like during those first few weeks and I began a project that had me writing out my story…the story of a wife and mom of five who went from couch potato to a two time Spartan. I used this blog, as well as other resources to recount my fitness journey and wrote…and wrote…and wrote. I didn’t know if anything would come of this manuscript, other than to have something in writing in case anyone should ever ask but then I went about looking into sharing this with a larger audience. I shared my would-be book with Denny Krahe, a podcast host and running coach I have admired and respected for several years now and asked him to read it and offer something of a foreword. He did that and then some and with his stamp of approval, I went about the hunt for the right publisher and in July, I signed on with Library Tales Publishing. It’s still pretty early on but we are looking at a release date in June of 2025 and I can’t wait!

Running wise, I was doing great and I was doing more and more in my strength and conditioning work with Jeff. My motivation was there and the drive was back..I was on the rise but then came the roller coaster ride of 2024 that would take months to undo the safety belt. I had a hysterectomy in late January and I went into it being okay with taking the time to heal and knowing that running and working out would be there when I was ready. It would take me over two months to run again and I followed the plan that Jeff had laid out for me to get back into things wisely and carefully. My body was ready to do whatever he doled out but something was seriously wrong everywhere else. I thought the motivation was there but the drive was missing. I lost the confidence in myself that had taken me years to acquire. I shied away from running with others because I was so convinced that I was too slow and I couldn’t keep up with them. I stuck to three miles and told myself I couldn’t push the pace because I wasn’t that runner who used to do five or six miles effortlessly and on average. I tried to do a longer distance but something would make me stop the watch mid-way because I needed to take a break or ‘catch myself,’ as I used to call it.

Things turned around in the later part of the summer when I went about on a run that was five miles and I didn’t stop until I saw that magic 5 number. It was as if it was my first ever five miler and the adrenaline rush I felt upon finishing was pretty much the same rush I felt when I crossed my first finish line. I decided to join Jeff and his Wednesday night running group for two consecutive runs and that gave me back some of the confidence I had been lacking. I also dusted off my bathing suit and went back into the waters of the JCC pool after years off from swimming as a form of exercise. And I got back into spinning classes…something I loved but an activity I had stayed away from since early 2020 for reasons I am not so clear about.

As I look ahead, I feel a lot of hope and see a lot of possibilities after seeing so much doubt this past year. I am running a few times a week without anything specific to train for and with a greater sense of appreciation and awareness of what it offers me. I am doing more and more YWMTDW things in my training sessions with Jeff and I am loving it all! I am in the driver’s seat when it comes to what I do, when I do it, how I do it and I am learning along the way how to proceed when the light goes from green to yellow to red. I may not look like the 2017 version of me who spun and swam and ran but I am doing it all with that appreciation and awareness I mentioned earlier. Here’s looking at you, 56!

Finishing What I Started

I was so sure I was good to go on my run this morning. The weather forecast was 66 and clear and I hadn’t felt any discomfort in my calf since Friday. I had the route planned out and knew I would be going up two hills for the area I wanted to run in but I really felt fine.

I ran along a few streets in my neighborhood before I got onto the main street that took me to a side street where you can either get onto the very beginning of the running path or you can loop around to another street that hosts all kinds of great cafes and stores we like to frequently. I had been approaching the end of my first mile when I felt that familiar tugging in my right calf and I didn’t flinch or consider stopping. I simply slowed down my pace to more of a jog and I kept going towards the first station and looped around it to take me to a side street that goes uphill and when I say uphill, I mean up a huge hill. My jog turned into a trot as I took my time getting up to the halfway point where I turned left onto a street I had never run on but got to see on a drive through the city. By that point, the calf pain seemed to have disappeared and I ran a few blocks down in one direction, admiring the various buildings and landscaping. I turned around at about two and a half miles into my run and took a different running path downhill, right back to the start of the first station running path. At that point, I ran on pure adrenaline and told myself that I could keep going to pass this landmark and then this landmark.

My attitude of late has been about running for the sake of and appreciating it in the moment. Yes, I keep track of my time and distance on my Strava app but once from the moment I hit the start button, I keep my focus away from my watch. That competitive streak — that sense of trying to run X pace in X time is gone. That doesn’t mean that I don’t give it my all…I most definitely do but my all at 55 is about removing the pressure I put on myself. This morning’s run turned out to be a really great run. It took me over 51 minutes to run nearly four and a half miles but I really don’t care about the paces I ran. I took my time with the hills and when I had to switch gears at the end of my first mile and when I pressed stop, I felt like I still had some gas in the tank and I finished on a high note.

How Do You Say Spinning In Hebrew?!

Speening…

I have taken three spinning classes at a nearby gym here in Israel in the last week and while I don’t understand 80% of what the instructor is saying, I am embracing my return to spinning! I get the Hebrew terms for up,sit, burst, second position, third position but as for everything else, I follow what my next door spinner or the instructor is doing.

The energy in the class is high and the music playlists are well matched to whatever ride we take. I wasn’t especially inspired by the class I took last Tuesday but I really liked the instructor on Thursday and then this morning’s instructor so I am going to try to stick to their class offerings. Today’s class included some light weight work which I loved and a lot of stretching so my first pick is to go with this instructor as much as possible.

I can’t believe that it had been almost five years since I last took spinning classes but now that I am back to doing it, I am going to keep this a part of my routine as much as possible!

I’m Officially A BAMR

Last night, I joined the ranks of BAMR-dom. My children will forgive me…BAMR is a Bad Ass Mother Runner. I met up with Jeff and two of the guys in his Wednesday night running group at Linda Falls, which will soon be known as Hildee Falls.

It was about 77 degrees when the four of us started out on our trail run and everything was going great. There were a lot of sticks and fallen branches on the ground that we had to be aware of as we ran through the woods and I did my best to keep up with the others. We came upon a stream which the first two guys ran across effortlessly and Jeff was just ahead of me and was telling me to be careful of the rocks in the water. I figured I would use the rocks as a platform to walk across as to avoid dipping into the water but I hadn’t counted on the rocks being…well, rocky and not stable. I plopped into the water. I’m not sure what I banged up exactly but I got right back up and walked slowly through the foot of water to the other side for land. As I got my bearings and rejoined the guys, I noticed some swelling by my right thumb that seemed to be radiating with pain. Assuring the others that I was alright, we resumed our run along the trails and I laughed as Jeff made the joke about Hildee Falls.

Falling and getting right back up made me an official BAMR. Running the last mile or so through the dark and following Jeff and the flashlight of his fun to guide us through the trails also made me a BAMR. Being the sole female in a group of three seasoned runners made me a BAMR. Having dirt speckles on my face and a swelled up, black and blue thumb as a battle scar made me a BAMR. When I took up running nine years ago…on a whim…never would I have imagined that I would have the guts or rather, confidence to show up at the trails of Valley View, Ohio to run the trails at dusk with three guys. A few years ago, I would have seen that stream of water and asked Jeff if there was another path to take and one that would be dry. As I follow this path (pun intended) of being the best version of myself, I am doing things that still make me ask ‘you want me to do what?!’ but I am more game…more game to give it a try and if that doesn’t make me a BAMR, I don’t know what else does.

I Passed The Test

The test of endurance, that is. I ran five miles this morning…without stopping to change to a walk ‘to catch myself’ and I didn’t stop at three point something or four point something because it seemed like it would be enough. Five miles…

That used to be my average distance when it came to my runs and I would have to guess that the last time I ran five miles, it was to train for the half marathon I did with my younger brother in January of 2022. There would be no half marathons after that and I guess I did my own thing with my running since I didn’t have a training plan to follow or a particular race to train for. My comfort level became three miles or a 5k and when I did three and a half, that seemed pretty great and I got to this place where I didn’t think I was capable of running more than an 11 minute mile pace. I ran four miles one day in July and I got all excited about how I would work towards my maximum distance of a 10k yet after that run, I kept sticking to that three to three and a tenth mile distance. I avoided running with others because I was worried about holding everyone else back and I lost all confidence in myself as a runner. I wasn’t that runner who could run an eight something minute mile like I did in my earlier years of running yet I kept thinking I wasn’t ‘enough’ because I was no longer that runner who could run an eight something minute mile.

What was holding me back, Jeff asked me last week and when had I lost that joy and that drive for running? And why didn’t I think I could push for a run of let’s say, five miles. I didn’t have the answers other than those months of being sidelined after my surgery was somehow related yet this feeling of holding myself back was going on well before this past winter.

I went for a few runs last week and two of them were five milers but they were both interrupted with that little switch to a walk for maybe 30 seconds to ‘catch myself.’ They were still five miles in distance but they didn’t reflect my endurance level all that much. I joined Jeff’s running group on Wednesday night for a run and it wound up being 4.72 miles and I stuck to it the whole time. That was a major achievement even if Jeff had to lead me to believe that it wouldn’t be more than three and a half miles. He knew I was capable of doing it the whole way and I needed to prove to myself that I could do it the whole way. And I did. And then this morning, I went out for a run that I had planned as a five mile run and something inside me just took over and made me do the five miles straight through…no needing to ‘catch myself’ and not questioning if I could go beyond three miles, three and a half miles, four miles, etc. My pace was of no importance…I was doing this run as something of a test of my endurance and my confidence. I needed that run today more than I have needed a run in a long time. That run gave me that sense of joy and drive that had been missing for far too long and now that I have done it, I am riding a high that goes beyond the moments after the finish.

It Is Just Like Riding A Bike

As a part of my finding myself again, I did another something big today — I took a spinning class. The last time I ‘spun’ was January 13, 2020 and it was something I really loved doing as a part of my ‘regular’ routine. From the time I took my first class at the JCC at the urging of my friend, Michele, I found a newfound love for spinning. There was nothing like moving my legs and feet along to the music and getting up and down into position 2 and position 3. In my earlier years of spinning, I was doing twice a week classes with Kevin but sadly, he passed away and they got rid of the afternoon classes in favor of morning times. Over the years, I went to different classes whenever the times worked for me and some instructors were tougher than others but I soon found my place on Friday mornings with Charisse. She had such a great demeanor and I loved the music themes she picked each week and I felt like I had found my groove in her classes.

For some reason or another, I stopped spinning and I tried not to think over the next four years about how much I missed it. I focused on running and my training and I took to the elliptical for cross training. Over the last few months, I would check the group class schedule and get all wistful as I noticed the spinning/cycling classes but I never thought to get back to a class…until earlier this week during a conversation with Jeff. Just like the run on Wednesday night proved that I have a curtain #2 in life and I don’t have to always stick to curtain #1, I needed to get out of my comfort zone and channel my inner athlete…the one who loved swimming and spinning so many years ago.

And just like getting back into the water earlier this week, I felt this sense of invigoration this morning when I got back on the bike and spun. Yes, it took a while to figure out the height of my seat and how to position the steers (I’m still new at this so I don’t know what it’s officially called) but once the class started, I felt a part of it. 58 minutes later, I felt like no time had passed and I told the teacher I would be back next week!

On A Path Again

I have been needing a push for a while now and last night, I got it and a big one at that. Something has been missing, whether it be my drive or my confidence and it has gotten in the way of my being able to be the best version I can be. Strength wise, I am good and I am doing things in my workouts that test me and bring out my inner athlete. Running wise, I have been upping the distance but I still have some work to do with my endurance and being able to push through the entire distance without some reason or excuse to switch gears.

I did something big last night. I met up with Jeff’s running group The Cleveland Pathfinders at Edgewater Park. That was big in many ways: I have never been to Edgewater Park in my 35 plus years of living in Cleveland and I showed up in something of a dare from Jeff to run with his group and not worry about my slower-than-theirs pace. I’m pretty sure I had driven Jeff crazy with questions about what the average pace is and if I could truly keep up with everyone. Each and every one of them was friendly, introducing themselves and making me feel welcome. As we started out on what was supposedly a three and a half mile run (for those like myself who would want to call it a night before they went on for another mile and a half), I felt okay with being a part of their group. At first, I was running with the two women and as I started to lag a little, I was fine with being behind them and the three others in the group while Jeff stuck with me. I took things in as I ran along the side of the beach, admiring the boats and saying hi to people as we passed them. I realized we had gone further than a mile and three quarters and we weren’t turning around for a while but Jeff assured me that we would be soon and then we would be heading more on a downhill. Once we turned around, we ran on pavement turned sandy beach turned trail turned pavement. There were a few times where I thought I would have to switch to a walk to ‘catch myself,’ as I tend to refer to it but I didn’t. I know I was getting tired at about three and three quarter miles in and Jeff told me that we still had over a mile left to go. My body was feeling it and I know my mind was feeling it because he told me to stand up straight and keep going and stay strong. As much as I thought I wanted to stop and walk the rest of the way, I knew I couldn’t cut it short. I wasn’t worried about how long this was taking me or how fast or slow I was running. I was running…period and when we got to the parking lot where we had started out, the others were there to high five me and tell me I did a great job. 4.72 miles…

4.72 miles…that’s right. Not three and a half with the option to renew a little more for those who wanted. Was it a lie or a test, I asked Jeff a few hours later when we had a chance to catch up. ‘You don’t need any more tests BUT you needed to see behind curtain #2.’ I didn’t need to ask him this next question for me to know that this was more of a non-test of my confidence than a non-test of my endurance. I can run 4.72 miles, whether it’s on my own or with a group. I have been avoiding the opportunity to run with this group up until now because I was so caught up with feeling like I wouldn’t be able to keep up with them. I know none of them would leave me stranded because I wasn’t running alongside them and keeping with their pace. I know Jeff would not encourage me to join them if he didn’t think I could do it. I might be running at the end of the pack but I can finish and high five them at the end, whether I am seconds behind them or a few minutes behind them. This might not have been a test in the traditional sense but it was a booster of sorts to make me realize what I am capable of and the Cleveland Pathfinders helped me find my true path.

Finding Myself Again

February 9, 2020 was the last time I donned a bathing suit and stepped into the water for a swim workout. It was actually the day that I did an indoor triathlon and I swam a quarter of a mile in the 15 minute timed race. After more than two decades of steering clear of the shallow water and donning a bathing suit in public, I channeled my inner Diana Nyad and went for my first swim in the summer of 2017. Swimming became a regular part of my workout routine over the next two and a half years but it came to a halt with Covid closing down the gym and well, I just never got back into it after that.

This morning, I had a lengthy discussion with Jeff about how I have come back in many ways in terms of my overall strength and conditioning. We talked about how I haven’t been at my best from a mental standpoint and in going back to when I was at my best, he recalled the days when my cross training included spinning classes and swim workouts. I’m not sure if I had been avoiding those things, simply in favor of running and my virtual workouts but I do believe that he was right in recalling when I felt the most fit all around.

Getting back into the pool this morning was a big thing for me after so many years away but as soon as I entered the water and went about things, swimming back and forth for 20 minutes, I felt as if it had been days rather than years away. I didn’t give a thought about how I looked in my bathing suit as I entered the pool and I felt invigorated as I did my laps. It felt wonderful to be back in the water and I realized that I can have this back in my life again and be that athlete again.