Trying Versus Working At It

I had my usual text exchange with Jeff today, filling him on how things are going with round 2 of the five day calorie cut. He complimented me on my report and I automatically responded, ‘trying.’ Apparently, he liked that response as he gifted me with a two-exclamation point emoji but then a few minutes later, I texted him, ‘not trying…working at it.’

‘Trying,’ to me, implies I am attempting something but I sense a negative connotation, as if I am not so sure it will happen or that I will be successful. I’ve used that term a handful of times when I report something to Jeff but I only realized today that I don’t want to be ‘trying’…I want to be doing…I want to be working at it with fervor and intention and commitment. I have spent too much of my adult life, lacking the faith in myself and questioning my capabilities. So saying I am ‘working at it,’ means I have a wee bit of confidence in myself to put myself out there to get whatever needs to be done and I can see the end result.

Whether it is working on my nutrition or going out on a run, I want my effort and my focus to be felt and expressed. My fitness journey has been all about working at something…the course isn’t and hasn’t always been smooth and straight but I work at it. It’s a process..the evolution of a better me, if you will. Working at it…one running step at a time…one squat at a time…one pedal at a time…one day at a time…

Feeling Victorious

Another 10k, another virtual badge from Strava. But it wasn’t just another 10k and that badge is so much more than a badge.

I’m on day two of a two day refeed after a five day calorie cut. A lot of food and calorie mumbo jumbo but basically, it means that my activity level was not quite as intense on the five days that I was decreasing my calorie intake and now, I am okay to not hold back anything for the two days that I am back at my usual calorie count. On second thought, that’s still a lot of food and calorie mumbo jumbo.

In any case, I ran a 10k today. It was outside and that is a victory in itself since I never run that far outside. I stuck to the route that I had mapped out on Runkeeper and I will give myself a pat on the back for doing that since I normally cut my runs short whenever I veer off from my intended route. A 10k…I kept it nice and steady and nothing too crazy. I saw the 10k number as my finish and sure, there were times that I wondered if I should stop at four miles or stop at five but it felt pretty good to be out there and running and I didn’t feel like I needed to stop. I knew I could keep on going and do this to see the finish. There were some big hills mixed in and I tackled them the same way I have tackled the big hills on a trail run…when I reached the top, I took a deep breath and kept on going. No stopping. No pausing. No walking to catch myself. A 10k through and through. A victory, if I say so myself.

Just One More Kilometer

So close…just one kilometer away from meeting the Strava 200 Kilometer Ride challenge and wouldn’t you know it — I’m at 199.

I sprinted…I sweated…I tackled the hills…none of that is for nothing but that one kilometer is keeping me from a freaking virtual badge.

I have five days left of the month. I have a pretty good chance of making it to a spin class or getting in a quick bike ride to reach that magical number of 200. I may get it and I may not and I can honestly say that none of the work I did throughout this past month will be worthless. Spinning wasn’t a part of my activity routine at this time, last year. And when I got back into spinning six months ago after years of being away from it, I wasn’t anywhere near the mileage I am doing now. Spinning has become something of a regular thing for me and I am loving what it is doing for me physically and mentally. So I might get that one kilometer before the month’s end and I may not but I am signed up for the May 200 Kilometer Ride challenge and I am going for it!

Running Is My Therapy

Before I get all serious and get down to the nitty gritty of things, I have to share that I ran a 10k this morning. I got my Strava badge with a week and a half left of the month and oh yeah…I ran it with my youngest daughter running a few machines away from me and her fiancee’ pumping iron halfway across the gym. I wasn’t intimidated. I didn’t freak out….I was very much in the moment and focused on what I was doing and I did a 10k!

This morning’s run was just what I needed today. This wasn’t an ordinary run that went beyond my norm. I went into it with a sense of shutting out everything else in my life for however long it would take me to get it done. I concentrated on moving along with each mile, not giving a darn about the pace and just telling myself this was my run and this was my time to be had.

Without going into things, I have a lot going on these days…some are really fantastic things and others are things that are not so fantastic but I have been trying to deal with it all in stride. I don’t know what my days are going to be like in the next week or so but I do know that somehow, I need the clarity and the emotional healing I get from a run like I had today or an intense workout with Jeff or a spin class. All of those things are my therapy and whether it’s for 30 minutes or an hour that I can carve for myself, I recognize that I need that time. It might be at 6 am or it might be at the end of a long, busy day but somehow, I can’t forget to prioritize myself and the importance of putting the oxygen mask on before I can get it on anyone else.

To Inspire And To Be Inspired

This morning, I was on the fence about what I was going to do at the gym in terms of my workout. I had done a run/walk on Sunday morning and then ran 4 1/2 miles on Tuesday morning and I figured I could run today or tomorrow to get one more run in for the week. I was debating between the run and doing something on the elliptical and I figured I will wait until I get to the gym, and if there were enough treadmills available, I would opt for the run.

I get to the gym and there’s one or two people in the entire place and no one was on the treadmill so a run it was going to be. I would have loved to try for a 10k and earn that virtual Strava badge but my legs were a little tired out from spinning and running on alternating days and I knew better than to overdo things with the intensity and the distance. I got started on the treadmill and did little burst intervals every four tenths of a mile and increased the distance a notch after each mile. Nothing crazy but a little something to keep me on my feet, literally and figuratively. I was at about a mile and a quarter when my cousins, Alana and Sydney, walked into the gym and took their places respectively on the machines next to me. Now mind you, they have both ran the New York marathon and they are a force to be reckoned with on their Strava posts. I waved hi and thought for a moment or so, ‘wow this is going to be intimidating.’

I continued on my run and Sydney and Alana got moving on theirs. There we were, three women doing their thing…each at their own pace and focused on what they were doing. I had no idea what their times and splits were and I tried not to berate myself for not moving quite as agile as the two of them. I ran that 5k with a sense of sisterhood and belonging, even though I am nearly 30 years older than them. We high fived each other at one point and that really made me feel a part of something really special. And when I was done with my run, I tagged them both in my Instagram post to say ‘what a way to be inspired.’

And wouldn’t you know it — a few hours later, I had a notification from Instagram that Sydney commented on my post, ‘You inspire ME!!!’

A Few Firsts

Being away for Passover and a few time zones away means that I can’t train with Jeff over the next week or so but I took his advice today about trying new things.

I attended a Core and More class today, a 50 minute session of standing and floor exercises that focused on the core area. I was familiar with most of the movements — bird dogs, planks, v ups — and I had a really hard time with the hip exercises we had to hold. The instructor was very friendly and gave great cues and I was glad to have tried this class out as something a little out of my comfort zone. Other than spin classes, I don’t participate in group classes and I still gravitate towards taking my place in the back of the class. The studio was pretty small and there were four of us taking the class and knowing a lot of the movements, I felt pretty good by the time I was done.

After lunch, I went to the gym and took my first ever Peloton spin class. I had all sorts of options in terms of time and level of difficulty and I chose a 45 minute class with Emma Lovewell. Doing a Peloton class is SO different than being in a real life spin class. The resistance and cadence numbers are there as something of a dare but more of a motivation factor and one I did my best to follow. I saw the lineup of the other spinners and felt this sense of competition to move up in the ranks and make a name for myself. This was not an easy class by any means but I pushed myself as hard during this class as I do, in a room full of spinners at the J or in Jerusalem. And when I finished the class, I felt the same sense of accomplishment I have in a studio full of spinners. I’m not sure I am ready to invest in a bike but now that I’ve tried out a class, I am leaning a knob or two closer to it!

What A Difference Five Days Make

I ran a 5k this afternoon. I also ran a 5k last Wednesday. Same exact distance….totally different mindset and approach.

I had already taken a two mile walk with Jeff in the Rocky River metro parks but I knew I wanted to do something more and more in my mind was doing a run. I layered up and headed outside and stuck to the route I typically walk with Frankie on Saturday afternoons. I was about three quarters done with the route but instead of turning left to head home, I turned right and went up and down some streets that would get me a 5k distance. I wasn’t paying too much attention to my watch as I ran along through the neighborhood but I did notice that there was a 10 in the minute section and that really got me excited!

Last Wednesday, I ran through the motions but I didn’t run with emotion and I think that led to a not so great run. Granted, it was windy outside and a good ten degrees colder than today’s temperature but I think I went out on that run with a sense of responsibility….as in, it was something I had to do. This afternoon, I was all about the run. I knew I was going to do it once I got home from my walk with Jeff and I had a chance to eat lunch. I was actually excited about it. I appreciated how beautiful the weather was when I had walked with Jeff and I knew it was going to be even more so when I got outside for my run. And it was! I was able to appreciate everything about this run — the greenery, the cars driving by, the people walking by — I didn’t have that last week or rather, I wasn’t aware of that. The same distance but a totally different run.

Two Steps Backwards

I had assumed that once this bronchitis thing was out of me, I was good to go in terms of getting back into my workout routine. I ran a 10k at the gym last Wednesday and it went pretty well and then I had a really good workout with Jeff on Thursday that wasn’t all that easy and gentle on my jet-lagged self. I made sure to walk each day…some days more than others and then on Friday, I was back in the saddle with Cherisse’s spin class. Boy, did it feel good to be back to spinning after two weeks away! I did a more challenging spin class on Sunday morning and then did a speed interval run at the gym on Monday and then yesterday, I was dealt a few kudos-es from Jeff during an even more intense training session that included lots of planks and push-up planks.

I opted to run outside this morning and my original plan was to try for a 10k. I am not quite sure what I was thinking but that was the ultimate goal and I figured I would follow the route I had set up for myself and see what I could do. The forecast today looked a bit like a day at the stock market – cloudy/windy/cloudy/rain/cloudy/showers. I wanted to get outside while it was dry and I layered up for the 37 degrees that supposedly felt like 27. I had the music playing in my ears and I headed out with the best of intentions. I ran up and down the streets of my neighborhood and at about 2.7 miles in, I felt a little jolt in the back of my knee. I kept on going but slowed my pace a little bit and the jolt seemed to have disappeared. I moved on a little bit more but I could tell I was feeling the effects of the cold on my lungs and while I am probably 99.1% clear of the bronchitis, I realized that the 10k was not going to happen today.

I had stopped that button at the 5k distance, somewhat disappointed in myself for not being able to do more but glad that I did what I did and realizing that this run was the start of something. I hadn’t run outside in Cleveland since November and I hadn’t run all that much outside in Israel since that time so I wasn’t quite as conditioned as I had hoped for today. Taking a few steps back, as I think of this…tells me that I have some steps to take going forward and it is a process. There is no timeline to run a 10k outside. I know I can do it on the treadmill…I’ve done it twice now over the past two months and both runs went fine but running a 10k outside is a little bit different. I’ll get there and when I do, I’ll remember the steps I took backwards were more like stepping stones to something really great.

Being Okay With Not Feeling Okay

I’ll start out by saying that I did run last Wednesday. 1.27 miles, to be exact. That was all I could muster in my attempt to get outside and see what I could manage at the time. I hadn’t been feeling well for a few days and my cough wasn’t getting any better but I thought I would try a nice little jog through the neighborhood and see how far I could go. 1.27 miles was all I had in me and trust me, I was getting signals at about 1.2 that I needed to stop and soon. My walk home seemed to be harder than the last .07 miles I had ran and I knew I wasn’t recovered enough to attempt running just yet. Walking had been my activity over the last few days and some days had been better than others in terms of step count but I knew I couldn’t dwell on the numbers.

I wound up going to the urgent care that evening and a chest X-ray confirmed I had bronchitis. Somewhere during the course of the night, I had developed a fever (something very new to me) and I felt worse than I had in the previous days and yet, I was still hoping I would be well enough to train with Jeff the next day and maybe, just maybe be feeling enough improvement to take Friday morning’s spin class.

Some time over the day on Thursday, I realized that neither of those things were going to happen. I texted Jeff (a few times…going from ‘you’ll have to go easy on me’ to ‘I’m not feeling so great’) to say I feel terrible canceling but I really need to take care of myself. His response? Of course, you should. I canceled my reservation for the next day’s spin class, knowing that the very idea of showing up at the gym in my current physical state was both unrealistic and lacking good sense.

I took it really easy on Thursday. On Friday, I made it down to the gym and did a slow walk on the treadmill for two miles. I had a few moments of thinking I should do more…I needed to do more for that step count…but I pressed the stop button at two miles. I needed to do what I could truly do and if that meant that the step count at the end of the day is 6000 and not 12,000 or 17,000, that is okay. My health comes first.

I may not get the 10k badge from Strava this month…who knows…there are eight days left of the month and I am not attempting anything close to a 10k until this cough is gone. I might not get the 200k ride badge that I could have probably earned last week, had I been feeling fine and made it to one or two spin classes. I might get it if I am feeling well enough to get to a spin class back in Cleveland but if I don’t, so be it. There is always next month.

Best Laid Plans

I am not going to run a 10K tomorrow. I don’t even know if I am going to run a 1K tomorrow.

You see…I had this plan and over the last few days of being under the weather and physically run down, I know that attempting a feat such as a 10K would be disastrous. I am letting things go as they are and not freaking out that I had this run on my calendar for tomorrow. Things happen and I am here to say that it has taken me years…and I mean, years…to be smart and really figure out how to deal with things as they come and accept them.

So let’s rewind a bit. Last week, I was in the middle of a training session with Jeff and I mentioned that I wanted to run a 10K this month…specifically, this week that we are now in. He told me to write out a calendar for the week and let him know what I planned to do each day so that he could plan our workouts accordingly. I decided to do the 10K tomorrow – Wednesday – and I had planned to go to spinning classes on Sunday and then, on Friday and I would do an easy run on Monday and walk to compliment our training sessions for Tuesday and Thursday. That seemed easy enough. Well, I came down with something over the weekend and I woke up on Sunday morning and canceled my place in that morning’s spin class with a bit of FOMO. I wound up doing a two mile walk and managed as many steps as I could for that unintentional activity I recently blogged about. I woke up on Monday morning, feeling not so great to run outside but good enough to do something really easy and controlled so I did a 5K in the gym in the morning and then took it somewhat easier the rest of the day. I still had hopes for that 10K run when I woke up this morning so I stuck to my plan to walk and train with Jeff. The walk felt amazing…it was gorgeous outside and I felt an increase in energy that I hadn’t felt in the days prior. By the time I started my training session with Jeff, I was not feeling quite as great but I really wanted to do something that would allow me to activate my muscles. We agreed that the 10K was not happening whatsoever but a little body weight workout could help me out in feeling more myself. He had me doing stretches on the floor, lighter TRX moves, more stretching, some deadlifts and shorter planks…by the time we were done, I felt a little bit lighter in my movement and a whole lot happier that I had asked him to do his thing and personalize this training session just for me.

If I wake up tomorrow and I feel a whole lot better, I might do a little run. It won’t be anywhere near a 10K and it certainly won’t be done for time and pace. I had a plan and unfortunately, things didn’t go according to plan but I am really okay with doing what I can, in the body that I have and knowing that I can give myself grace. That 10K will come and when it does, I will be ready for it!