I Can See It

I have a dress in my closet that has been hanging in my bedroom closet that I have been wanting to wear since the one and only time I wore it on June 18, 2017. It’s a long sleeve navy full length dress from Teri Jon with a bow on one shoulder and I wore it as a beaming mother of the bride at my oldest daughter’s wedding. It was a dream of a dress and I kept it in my closet, thinking and hoping I would wear it again at a black tie wedding or a some kind of gala.

I never got to wear the dress again although I had tried it on many times and felt more and more defeated and discouraged as I couldn’t fit into it without seeing all kinds of lumps and bumps. When I wore that dress, I had just completed my second half marathon and my body had adapted pretty well to the training I had put into it. I wore that dress with pride and confidence and when I look at the pictures from that day, I can see that I was truly happy in that moment.

As we all know, my fitness journey took many turns since that day in 2017. I had several bouts of losing my motivation/mojo and I had the whole fibroid saga that led to my hysterectomy. I never ran a half marathon or trained for one, the same way that I had for my first and second and my drive often took a nose dive. I saw the scale go up as much as 34 pounds and I couldn’t blame it on building muscle or the effects of major surgery. I saw my body composition go up and down and all of that left me in a body that wasn’t the same as the one I had in 2017. I would go into my closet and try on the dress when I had a black tie event coming up on my calendar and I would feel defeated and discouraged when it didn’t fit.

I have shared how I am seeing the scale go down to a number I haven’t seen since…let’s just say, it very well might have been that June of 2017. While I haven’t gone into my closet to try on that dress and I don’t have an event in the coming months to actually wear it, I shared with Gary and later, with Jeff, that I see myself in that dress now. I just had to go through this whole journey to get myself to a place that I can allow myself to reach for something and make it happen.

It’s Not About The Number

I told Jeff I would do it…that I would get there. And today, I didn’t just get there…I went beyond there.

I have shared in my posts how I have been working at my fitness and overall health. I added a Peloton spin bike to my basement gym and it has been something of a regular thing for me to use when I am in Cleveland. Six or seven weeks later, I added a Peloton treadmill and I have been loving the app that allows me to do runs and walks and all kinds of workouts when I am away from home. My training sessions with Jeff seem to be on a whole new level where I am not quite as afraid to try something I guess I would be doing anyway (YWMTDW?!) and I am actually doing some of the movements with more ease and flexibility. So with all of this said, I have seen the scale go down 14.2 pounds since early January.

During last Thursday’s training session, Jeff mentioned a goal number he has in mind for me and he had predicted that I would be in a new decade the next morning. It sounded so doable and real but then I made a boo boo by sharing Gary’s teriyaki mushroom appetizer and the scale went up a bit instead of down. I refused to get upset over the small gain or the fact that I wasn’t where we thought I would be by a certain time. I wasn’t going to go back to June 12, 2022…when I was still a member of Weight Watchers and obsessing over the number on the scale and freaking out when I wasn’t at a certain weight at a certain point in time. In the three years since I cancelled my WW membership, I have allowed myself to be free of the shackles that binded me to the scale. Granted, I weigh myself daily but I do it with a sense of knowing that whatever that number is, I am doing everything I possibly can to live a healthier life. I am going to eat out at times and I am might even allow myself a dessert here and there but I am living a better life today than I did when I was going for those weekly weigh ins.

Today’s celebration isn’t as much about the number I saw as it was about the progress I have made with hard work and it is hard work that I can honestly see myself doing for years to come. Jeff’s target number for me is a little more than three pounds and I believe I can do it. I won’t put a date on it because that would bring me back to those WW days and I don’t want to go there. I see that number…it’s a number that I haven’t seen in several years but I see it now and then I see something more than that number…I see the person who said to herself, You want me to do what and then went ahead and did it.

When You Think You Won’t

You can. That was yesterday’s lesson learned.

I woke up yesterday morning, with every intention to do a run. Truth be told, I wasn’t as into the idea of running outside and I was leaning towards doing a Peloton running workout in our gym once I took care of something for my dad. That something that seemed like it would be maybe a half hour…maybe an hour of my time turned into my several hours but thankfully, all is okay. I didn’t get my run in and my watch was showing a lower than usual step count. I told myself that I would still be able to train with Jeff later on in the afternoon but a run was pretty much out of the question and I wasn’t all too sure that I would have the time or the energy to do a walk.

That is so unlike me…sure, there was some time here and there to do something but I wasn’t feeling the idea of getting my steps up, just like I hadn’t felt the idea of running earlier in the morning. Something turned around in the mid-afternoon though, and I told myself (yes…I have a lot of inner conversations with my conscience) that I could and should and more important…would get some steps, however many I could manage. I wound up doing a 1.2 mile walk on the treadmill before my training session and I walked 1.9 miles from an appointment to our place. I was quite surprised when I checked my step count at bedtime and saw that it was 14,000 steps.

I texted Jeff the number – 14,093 – and wrote, ‘on a day when I thought I wouldn’t get much activity other than training’ He responded with a thumbs up emoji.

Accepting Praise

“You lost weight!”

”Thank you. I did.”

The first quote was from my most talented mother of the groom dressmaker and the second quote came from me.

It wasn’t all that long ago that I would have answered her with an, “I haven’t lost that much” or “I still have more to go.” I have never been good at accepting praise and taking compliments but I am slowly learning how to be grateful and gracious. In the weeks prior to my fitting appointment this past Wednesday, I had been working hard and even upping the intensity with my spinning, strength training and running. I knew from the number on the scale being lower, and my clothes getting looser, that my measurements were most likely different (in a good way!). I also knew that we were using the measurements from my mother of the bride dress in May as my baseline so I was still a bit nervous going into the appointment.

The dress needed some taking in…well, actually a lot of taking in. I am going back a week from tomorrow and Tali says we can always take more in if I continue with my efforts but it’s looking pretty great right now. I am back to my spin classes at the gym (missing my Peloton terribly) and I’ve been using my Peloton app for running workouts indoors since it’s been unbearably hot since we arrived. I’d be happy to drop a few more pounds to reach my target goal weight but for now, I am really, really good with doing things at a nice pace and seeing the results of my efforts pay off with the MOG of my dreams.

Wetmore Revisited

The summer has flown by and last night seemed like my one and only chance to run the trails with Jeff and his running group. A part of me was not so sure I wanted to run with a group because I still worried about keeping up with everyone and another part of me felt that I needed to prove to myself that I was capable of running four miles on the trails AND being a part of the group. I had that same fear a year ago when I went on a group run with the Cleveland Pathfinders in Edgewater Park and somehow, I was able to handle it just fine but still…

I drove out to the Wetmore Trailhead with some mixed emotions. I was feeling sad about a family friend who has been battling cancer but I had a feeling that Adelle would have told me to get out there and run. I pulled into the parking lot and I had a sense of deja vu — I had been there before! Granted, Jeff had told me we had run Wetmore before (more specifically, in the summer of 2021 when we expanded our trail running horizons beyond Rocky River and Brecksville and explored the trails of CVNP) but all of these trails seem jumbled in my memory bank. The parking lot looked familiar and I could recall using the bathroom there and then the five of us got out on the trails and bam…I started to really remember things. The steep hills…the horses and their droppings…the streams of water we had to cross.

I had been so nervous about whether or not I could really tackle four miles…well, it was 4.7 and for the most part, I did fine. The time and pace were of no importance…I was able to run through the trails with a sense of leaving everything else behind for one hour and one minute and just be free. When the guys were running ahead and Jessica was a bit in front of me, I didn’t worry all that much. The trails were easy to follow and I didn’t panic about being ‘alone.’ there were times that I was completely the back of the pack but other times that she and I were leading. this run was one of building my confidence…perhaps, even one of those you want me to do what’s?!

Follow The Leader(board)

When I think back to a few months ago, when I said I didn’t think I would want a Peloton bike (or treadmill, for that matter!), I wonder who was that person. I was so sure that if I was spinning in the privacy of my home…being ‘on my own’…and not being in a class setting, meant I could hold back on my intensity and not give it my all. How wrong I was!

There is this thing called a leaderboard…perhaps you have heard of it. It’s a roster of everyone who is taking part in the class and their rankings. You start at zero and as you work your way through the class, your number goes up. It can go up quicker if your input is higher so that would mean you need to get that cadence and resistance going big time. All I needed was to see how this leaderboard works and voila…I am in competitive mode!

There are some days where I really don’t pay much attention to where I rank but I am also seeing plenty of days where I care a whole lot and I am pushing things…hard! Yesterday, I did this amazing hike workout on the treadmill and I ranked first. This morning, I did a spin class that I had intended to take it easier on but when it was just me and one other person in the class, I put my all into it and came out first. I know that isn’t going to happen with every single run or walk or spin class I do but having that leaderboard gives me that nudge to find that inner athlete. I may not get a badge or a prize but I most definitely come out of each workout, feeling something close to being a winner.

Run Away The Stress

I had a plan for today that included a run and I knew it would be some time in the afternoon, after I had returned from doing my measurement assessment with Jeff. I had walked a good amount of miles earlier in the morning and I was at a pretty good step count by the time I headed out to his house at 1 but I still saw some kind of a run in the mid to later afternoon.

I toyed with the idea of running outside and I even had a route planned out for a two plus mile run around the neighborhood but something was telling me that I needed to challenge myself and that challenge wasn’t going to come with a run outside in the heat that was bound to be mediocre at best. I had had a lot going on in my head — some little things to worry about and some not so little things that would undoubtedly distract me from putting my all into an outside run. I knew that if I did some kind of workout on my new treadmill, it would keep me focused and centered on what I was doing in the moment and I could put everything else aside. The phone was put on silent mode and I had managed to pair my air pods with the treadmill so I couldn’t and wouldn’t hear anything else around me. I didn’t need much in terms of a run but I wanted it to be something that would push me a little bit.

I searched the Peloton class library and found a 20 minute 80’s pop run that included some pace targets which I kept at the maximum number for everything but the so-called hard pace. I tried not to think about my kids or my dear friend who is facing serious health issues or what’s going on in the world at the moment but in the end, I feel like I ran with all of those things and used them as the fuel that kept me going. I ran to run away the stress and the sadness and the scary feelings but all of that made me run like I haven’t run in a long while. I ran with feeling and with drive and I even ran with some feeling of hope. I can’t fix those little things and those not so little things that I am worried about and that keep me distracted but for 20 minutes, I was able to run it all away.

I Am So Not In Recovery Mode

So I did a lot of activity last week and apparently, Strava liked that. A few days of Peloton rides, a little bit of running and walking and some virtual workouts with Jeff. The calorie burn and my exercise minutes were most definitely higher than the previous weeks so yeah, I was trending higher.

My week starts on Monday so let’s revisit things over the last few days, shall we?! On Monday, I did a 45 minute run on the treadmill with one of my newbie favorites, Marcel and I also did a 1.2 mile walk outside and a 30 minute low impact ride on the bike. Nothing too crazy or intense but plenty of Kcals burned. Yesterday, I had my virtual training with Jeff — lots of shorter planking, wall sits, TRX, upper body strength moves, step ups on the step bench. Oh…and I did a 20 minute pop ride on the spin bike and a two separate walks – a 5k walk outside and a 30 minute walk workout on the treadmill with Becs Gentry. Today, I wasn’t feeling all that great thanks to a GI flare but I still got outside and did a 5k run, followed by a 30 minute guided walk with Kirsten Ferguson on my way home. Once I had a chance to recover and get things done around the house, I did a 20 minute spin class with Cody Rigsby and that…my friends…is my week so far.

So I ask…why is Strava now saying that I am in recovery mode?! Is it because I have chosen some spin classes that are shorter in length or I haven’t done more miles with my runs. I am doing what I can, when I can and I am loving the flexibility of it all. That’s not recovery…that is rocking the activity!!!

My Favorites and My Not So Favorite Exercises Part 2

It was quite a while back that I made a list of my top five fitness moves so I thought I would come up with a new and improved list for both my favorite moves and my not so favorite moves. I know that by listing the not so favorites, I am at risk of having Jeff read this and have them on next Tuesday’s workout plan but I’ll take a chance…

Five favorites exercises –

Chest presses – I do prefer doing them on the bench with weights but I am getting to like the TRX chest presses just as much. I love the feeling of power and strength as I work those upper body muscles!

Squats – With the TRX or doing an air squat, I know that those squats are helping me tone things up, hopefully turning that flab into muscle.

Thrusters – Give me 15 or 20 or 25 of them to do…I have figured out how to do them right and they are a great way to work out the core and the lower body.

Bicep curls – It doesn’t matter if it’s with the resistance band, TRX or weights…I love what curling does for strengthening my biceps.

Lat pull machine – I love the feeling of getting stronger arms as I pull down the lat pull and see the formation in my triceps and bice…

Not so favorite exercises –

Wall sits – Sitting up against the wall with my knees bent is just not something I love to do. Sure, it’s doing great things for the lower body and core but I am not loving that leg burn Jeff likes to rave about.

Side planks – It’s just something I haven’t quite aced. I have a hard time getting the right position and if Jeff tells me to do this thing where I have to go from one side plank to a regular plank and then go to the other side for a side plank…that is definitely one of those you want me to do what?!

Planks for longer than 90 seconds – Sure, I have done them for longer than a minute and a half but it requires a lot of mental toughness and when Jeff tells me it’s time to do one at the end of an intense training session, I’m not quite feeling it.

Resistance band tricep pulldowns – Jeff often has me do them when we train at his home gym and it’s a struggle at times to get it right. I know how beneficial it is to work the triceps but I prefer using weights or a TRX over the holding those bands down at that perfect angle and moving the triceps up and down.

Inchworm walks – I have improved on my inchworms in general but when Jeff has me do inchworm after inchworm across his home gym floor, I am not a happy camper. It requires a lot of focus and proper technique and it takes me three or four times to get it just right.

Back In Brecksville

I’ve been wanting to get back there and I’ve been mentioning it to Jeff that I would get over there to do a run and this morning, I finally went back to Brecksville.

The forecast was cloudy but clear and in the 70’s. I admit that I was a little nervous as I drove out there…kind of as if it was the first time I was ever going there. I couldn’t understand why there were no signs to direct me to the freeway that veers off towards Brecksville, that is…until the road I was on, took me to the opposite direction going north instead of south. I quickly put on Waze and after turning around at the first exit, I was on the road to the place I haven’t been to in what seems like eons. As I drove along the parkway, it all came back to me. I’m not quite sure when I was last there — probably last year at some point — but it felt like yesterday as I parked my car by the nature center. I found my way to the signs for the Hemlock trail and off I went.

I kept a pretty steady pace on the trails, taking my time and being aware of my surroudings. Mind you, I never go on the trails on my own but I have run on this particular trail before and it is really easy to follow. I reached the start of the park and then switched to the pavement, where I ran along until the main road and then back a bit. It really was a case of deja vu, where I felt like I had just been there yet I hadn’t been. Brecksville is and forever will be, one of my favorite places to run. Jeff introduced me to it a few years back, as he introduced me to trail running and I love everything it offers — trails, pavement, bridle path, towpath. Today was about coming back to a place where I can run and focus more on what the run means to me, than what I am giving to the run in terms of the numbers and data. It wasn’t about how long it took or what pace I was running…it was about the joy and the good feels and the pleasure of it all.