The Numbers Game

It all began in 1986…this game I have been playing with the scale and the numbers that have appeared on it, that ultimately made me dependent on what the scale said that day. Despondent over what those numbers read on a ‘bad’ day. Distorted with my sense of self. I got off a plane after spending a gap year in Israel, having gained 30 pounds and off to Weight Watchers I went for what would be the first of many, many times.

I didn’t own a scale during that year abroad. I really didn’t have any sense of the weight I had put on, other than seeing my face turn puffier in pictures and in the mirror. I didn’t see a true change along the way, until a few family members and family friends made comments about my weight gain and boy, was that hard to take! I didn’t take Weight Watchers all that seriously that summer as I was 17 years old and I had no idea as to how to budget my points and eat more sensibly and mindfully after years of being able to eat junk food and not exercise. That summer was the beginning of what would be a 37 or so year roller coaster ride with the scale. I saw my weight go up and I saw it go down and I somehow got so caught up in the number and let it define me and dictate the success and the failure of my efforts. I ultimately cancelled my membership with Weight Watchers, scared of being on my own but certain that I needed to cut the ties I had bound myself to the scale.

It’s been a few years now since I’ve been ‘on my own.’ I did see my weight go up quite a bit and even though I was no longer ‘weighing in’ at the Weight Watchers scale, I was still playing those mind games with those numbers. Through a lot of hard work – working on a more concentrated way of eating, taking my activity to a more intense level and trying to let go of that obsession with the number — I have seen things change for the better. My weight is down — yes, we are talking numbers here – to where I was 10 years ago. I do weigh myself regularly but I do it in a way where whatever that number may be, I don’t allow myself to go to that dark place I used to frequent in my ‘weighing in’ days. It’s data, as Jeff often says. I have been dealing with this numbers game since I was 17. I’m 57 now and while I truly feel like I’m in a better place mentally, I realize that I still have the inner battle of self esteem and I still make it about the numbers — the one on the scale that I am so thrilled to see yet I still can’t wrap my head around what it took to get me here and wonder if it’s all a dream. Those moments of doubt I still feel about myself even though I know how much I have to be proud of and how much I have accomplished. I’m a work in progress…you can’t fix a 40 year old problem just like that. But I am working on it.

Week 1 – Check!

This morning, I completed the first week of 10k training and I can honestly say that it went well.

Jeff put together a great periodization plan that had me running three times this past week – a speed run last Monday, an all out 3 mile effort on Wednesday and a long easy 3 mile run on Friday. We trained on Tuesday and Thursday, primarily working on mobility but we included some weight work and TRX. The plan also called for cross training on my workout days so I spun on Tuesday and then got familiar again with the elliptical on Thursday.

The big surprise of this past week was that I used yesterday as a day off. I know I could have taken a nice walk during the day or even in the evening and yes, I went back and forth about it….should I take that walk? Should I give myself the day to recover as Saturday is technically a day of rest on the training plan. I am usually all about getting those calories burned and moving however and whenever I can but I made the decision to use the day to relax and recover after five days of training and knowing that walking would be there the next day. The world didn’t implode by my decision to rest and I was just as ready to do my workout this morning…perhaps, even better because I allowed that day of recovery to happen.

Onto week 2…

Let’s Do This!

I’ve been waiting for this. I’ve been overthinking about this. I’ve been wanting this. Today marks the beginning of a twelve week periodization/training to get me race ready on March 27. I haven’t ran a 10k race in quite a few years now and I still have some PTSD from the last Jerusalem 10k I ran with my youngest daughter in 2022.

Jeff sent me the plan late last night and I looked it over, immediately coming up with the usual questions — what am I supposed to do pace wise/time wise with that three mile run on Wednesday? How speedy is Monday’s speed run? How do I handle the cross training days when I am on vacation but (gulp!) without a spin bike? And just as immediately, Jeff responded with the words – it’s a blueprint but things can be mixed or changed. Hearing that and knowing that the next few weeks are going to be spent with my in-laws and kids and grandchildren and not always having access to a gym or to virtual training sessions, I have a better sense of how I can manage things.

I am not looking for a PR (personal record). What I am looking to do is to be at the starting line in 12 weeks, as mentally and physically ready as I can be, and run the 10k as best as I possibly can. It might be cold and rainy as it was four years ago when I ran my last 10k or it might be in the 70’s and not unlike the time I ran the Cleveland Half marathon with Jeff and collapsed from heat exhaustion. I am going into this with my eyes wide open and a fresh attitude. I want to do this. I’m excited. Let’s go!

It’s A New Year

We are two days into 2026 and I have a few things to celebrate.

I did my 100th walk with Peloton this morning and earned a purple badge for my efforts. Since I joined the world of Peloton last June, I have been enjoying all kinds of cycling, running, walking, strength and cardio workouts. I have my favorite instructors and I am finding my way around the app, which I never thought I would do at this time last year. My newest thing is doing a meditation workout each day, whether it’s a five minute relaxation or.a 10 minute mindfulness workout…just something where I am putting everything aside and focusing on myself.

The scale is showing the efforts of my labor. I am feeling the difference in how my clothes fit and in my overall body composition and this gives me the motivation to keep on keeping on. I don’t feel like I’m overdoing things with my fitness and I am not under-eating or over-eating. I feel like I’m in a really good place.

My book ‘Embracing My Inner Athlete’ is in the production phase and it’s listed on various bookseller sites, including Barnes and Noble and Amazon. We are starting to work on the social media and print media marketing so look for a whole lot of posts, stories and reels about the June book release!

Running For Aliza

I have just a little more than three months until I run the Jerusalem 10k and while I haven’t begun any official training, I think about the course and how challenging it is with all of the hills and I tell myself I am going to do it, one way or another.

Yesterday, I watched the livestream funeral of a longtime friend who fought a long and hard battle with breast cancer. Hearing her husband and children and her sister talk about her…her courage, her strength and perseverance, her kindness…it made me want to do something to honor her and what she stood for.

I am going to run my 10k on March for Aliza. It might be a cold and rainy race day and the hills might seem to get to me but on that Friday morning in late March, I am going to show up and dedicate all that I am and all that I have to my friend who always showed up, who was always with a smile and who defined true resilience. I know the course is anything but easy but when I start to question myself or think it’s too hard, I will think of Aliza and remember her bouncy energy and tell myself that nothing is truly too hard or to impossible.

Improvising

Yesterday morning, our WIFI was down and wouldn’t you know it…my beloved Peloton bike and tread are connected with the internet. My plan for a nice walk before my training session with Jeff was kibboshed but that time allowed me to get some things done around the house earlier than planned. I figured I would do the walk later, once I got things fixed with the internet.

But wouldn’t you know it…the FaceTime on my IPad wouldn’t work in the basement and after ten or so minutes of Jeff and I trying back and forth to call one another, we made contact! He had me put my phone down on the floor, held up by a weight and he trained me for the next 45 or so minutes like the pro that he is. I used the TRX to do lunges and squats and work on my upper body with rows and bicep curls. I did 60 second wall sits against the basement wall while we chatted, or rather he spoke and I tried to stay in a locked position. I did push ups and planks and kettlebell swings and you know what — it was just as intense and enjoyable as if we were using a bigger screen.

I wanted to work out yesterday. I needed it and it needed me. With some creativity on Jeff’s part and a little moving things around to get the camera just right, the improvising worked just fine!

Trying Not To Be Invisible

As long as I have been taking spinning classes, I tend to choose a bike that is way in the back of the class or way to the side of the class. I am not the fastest or the most intense spinner and I guess I have always felt like I would rather not be so easily seen, for fear that I will be ‘caught.’ I know, I know…it’s silly but it’s that lack of confidence I still battle.

I have this bike that I have really liked in my Mati Studio spinning classes. It’s nothing fancy…in fact, they replaced the bikes I had really liked and had all of the measurements memorized and tracked according to my height. Anyways…for the last few months, I would come to class early enough that I could save the one bike that is in the last row and has a bottle holder and a place to keep my towel and I could stay somewhat invisible. Well, last week, I noticed that ‘my’ bike is broken and the other bikes around me all have a sack to hold for water but is quite challenging to take in and out while keeping pace with the class.

This morning, I decided to take a big step and use a bike that was stationed in the front row of the class. Granted, this bike had a water holder similar to the back row bike I had favored in the past but it was out there in terms of my being seen. And after class, I bumped into Chen, the instructor and she told me that she notices how I come to her class regularly and how hard I am working. She saw me. I had tried to hide for so long and today, I allowed myself to come out of hiding and be seen and she saw me and it wasn’t so bad after all.

Look At Me Now

Back in 1985, I was here in Israel, spending my 12th grade year in seminary, eating my heart out and doing absolutely nothing in terms of exercise. I put on 30 pounds that year and it was the beginning of an almost three decade long battle with the bulge and with my self confidence.

This morning, I ran four and a half miles but it was no ordinary run. I hadn’t run outside in several weeks and I had decided to run a route I had created for myself that includes a big climb that I refused to be intimidated by. I was doing fine, running along the streets on my route and moving along nicely with my pace but then I realized I had turned onto a street that didn’t look quite as familiar as the one I had taken on past runs. Before I knew it, I was on Aza street, the street where my great grandfather had lived for many years and I had visited for many a five course Wednesday lunch and weekend stay during my year in seminary. Running past my great grandfather’s house on Aza street made me realize how far I have come from that 17 year old girl. Never had I imagined that I would be running four and a half miles on a windy Sunday morning and never had I imagined that I COULD be running…at all.

I want to tell my 17 year old self that it’s okay to think of yourself and what you need to be the best version of yourself and that might mean that you transform your basement play area into a gym. I want to tell her that you can dream of big things and make them happen…that nothing is too hard or too impossible. And I want to tell her that it might take time to reach those goals but if you work hard and believe in yourself, it will happen.

Those Awareness Cues

Taking it easy was anything but easy last week. I spent a good amount of time last Wednesday and Thursday traveling and I was sticking to my steps for activity and that was it. I needed to give myself some time to rewind after a few weeks of being overzealously active and I can honestly say that time does heal and being aware make a huge difference.

Being aware means something along the lines of not overdoing on a run when you know you are going to be sitting in a car for a few hours. Being aware means something along the lines of not going to a spin class the morning after having sat in a car for a few hours but perhaps, do a good walk instead. Being aware means that even though I am feeling fine after a run, I might not feel all that great later if I don’t hydrate properly.

I’ve been doing this fitness journey for over 11 years now and I am still learning and I am still growing. I still have that competition with myself..you know, that thing where I see on my Apple Watch appt that my arrows are down with my running pace and I just need a few runs to bring the arrow up. Maybe I should go for a run but wait…I need to take it easy for a few days because I was overdoing it last week. Oh and my move calories are down (yes because of the above mentioned rewinding break) so maybe I need to get an extra walk in after we’re back from dinner even though I already walked a few miles earlier that day. I see those three arrows pointing down and there is that part of me that wants to do whatever it takes to bring them back up right this second but there is also that part of me..that older and hopefully wiser part…that says those arrows are like the scale at Weight Watchers or the doctor’s office and they do not define me. I want to feel good…to walk and to run cramp free and pain free and if that means that I need to take it easier to compensate my having worked a bit too hard…so be it.

Being More Aware

Last week, I shared how I had seen and felt the effects of doing a bit too much in terms of my activity. I saw my weight go up five pounds and I was feeling something of a crampy feeling in my right leg (always my right side!!!) and I couldn’t understand why my increase in time spent and intensity invested in my runs and rides and workouts were causing all of that. I think that it was that moment when Jeff asked me to do a week in review of my activity that I had that a-ha moment. I was addicted to that Peloton app I had once considered to be something I didn’t want or need.

I took a few days off from running and spinning and allowed my cramped leg to get uncramped, which didn’t take very long and I thought a lot about how I needed to get back to that version of myself that worked out for the enjoyment of it and for all of the benefits I get from it, physically and mentally. I didn’t need to sign myself up for a walk that had me doing 15 minute mile paces just because it earned me a higher spot on the leaderboard and a sore glute for my efforts. I didn’t need to push myself to get a certain amount of miles in a spin class if I would be walking funny a few hours later. I could see from the notifications on my phone where I spent my time on various apps and Peloton had ranked in the top five. I found myself constantly checking out the app to see the schedule of live and encore classes I could take and I was using my more open days to fill them up with workouts and classes. And when I looked at the exercise log I had shared with Jeff over the last week and saw just how much time I was spending each day and how much I was doing, I realized I needed to take a few steps back.

I promised Jeff that I would work on being more aware. Being more aware of how I felt during a run or ride or workout and how I felt after. Being more aware of how I moved around in general and if something wasn’t feeling right, I needed to think about why it wasn’t feeling right. It’s funny how we had talked long and hard in the summer of 24 about how I had lost my drive and what was it that had me so driven. Spinning was one of the answers and while I have been doing it pretty regularly for about 15 months now, I can see now that that drive that had been missing for far too long, was back just around the time that I had that bike set up in my basement.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my bike and my treadmill and I truly enjoy the thousands of classes I can take but I need to calm myself down and realize that the library will be open for months and years to come. It’s so not worth having a cramped leg that I got because I was overdoing things and would cause me to take a little break as a result. I can still run and ride and walk and do a workout but I need to be a bit smarter and more aware…that’s all.