Finding Myself Again

It’s been two weeks since I did the Classic at Mastick 5k and it’s been a week and six days since I found out I placed first in my age group. I know I had said it didn’t matter what my time was for the race but once I found out that I came in first out of three women in the 55-59 year old age group, it kind of mattered. It wasn’t about the number of minutes and seconds I ran to finish the race. It was about having shown up to a race where I didn’t know a single person and put myself out there to run the distance. It was about finishing that race and crossing the finish line and being able to do it just a minute or so before my contemporaries. I didn’t stick around the get my time or to claim a prize (if there was one). That part didn’t matter. Knowing that I could do it was the real prize.

Over the last few weeks, I have had all of my kids under our roof again and making my ‘me’ time a priority has been anything but simple. We have been traveling a lot, my parents have visited us during that time and our days have often been filled to the point where I have to pre-plan my activity. I have absolutely loved having my kids and grandchildren all together and the time went by way too quickly but it was hard to carve out time to walk or do cardio or go running without feeling guilty or pressed for time. Somehow, I have gotten it all done and I have managed to get my steps in…even on days when I really didn’t think I could. My workouts with Jeff are on a whole new level where I am doing more things to increase my mobility and agility and I am building up my strength and conditioning. I was getting somewhat wistful about my running and thinking I need to build up my endurance and work on my distance but I knew that I had to wait until I have that sense of myself…that when I go for a run, I am in the moment to run and push everything else aside and forget the watch and forget what’s happening at home.

When I think about finding myself again, I picture the trails. I haven’t been on the trails with Jeff this year and I really miss it the feeling I get when I am running along through the woods and trying to get around the muddy piles and feeling like I am at one with nature. Summer has passed way too quickly and he has had his schedule and I have had mine and somehow, it just never happened that we were able to meet up for a trail run. I’m hoping that now that I have a little more flexibility again with my time (and my car!), a run or two or three in Brecksville or Rocky River will be in my near future.